Window rattle and groan
As a 747 makes it final descent into Heathrow.
The sterile hiss and hum
Of fluorescent flicker lighting overhead.
Primary colour stain
And fade into shade in the corner of a dated whiteboard.
They’re the things I notice
When the doctor asks me if I ever feel suicidal.
Well, I do.
In the moments when an entire ocean washes over my face and
The pressure bores into my temple like a jackhammer and
My cheekbones are straining under the weight and
The yellows of the world fade away and
Blue light turns to nothing and
Silence is deafening.
In those moments.
I just want to die.
Tip of the tongue stutter the words:
I am afraid.
I am alone.
I am lost.
Am I loved?
I am sorry.
I am not OK.
I am depressed.
When I try to say the words out loud
They are swallowed by adjectives easier to swallow.
I have depression
And I don’t know how to tell you.
WATCH THE VIDEO
READ MORE ABOUT MY EXPERIENCES WITH MENTAL HEALTH
I wrote this poem about struggling to tell somebody exactly how you’re feeling when you’re depressed – something you can hear more about at the end of the video above. If you liked my poem, please do give the post or the video a share. It would mean a lot!